Surrender and Sickness

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In the wake of Obama’s final state of the union address, I’m pondering the state of the Wisdom Wheel.

The start of 2016 has found me flat on my back. My usual rah-rah energy is nowhere to be found while I’m posted up in bed with a respiratory virus. Being too weak to even read is a cruel punishment. This sickness has also dampened much of my grandiose plans to celebrate the Wisdom Wheel’s 20th anniversary with gusto.

Yet, I believe that all things happen for a reason. It’s rare that I spend days and days in bed without any productive results. This really challenges my natural Fire instincts to go, go, go. I think this applies to many of us in our “time is money” society. But, I know there’s a lesson for me to learn and integrate about Surrender.

For one, my weak condition has helped me face my own mortality. Not to sound morbid, but I believe it’s useful to mull over your own death, especially at my age (60s).

And also, what will be left of the Wisdom Wheel when I am gone?

I’ve always avoided gaining a “guru”-like status. I want the Wisdom Wheel to stand for itself, not me. Right now, with this illness, there’s not much I can do, anyway. Over the past couple days, I’ve gained new Awareness that 1) many rely on me to do their Wisdom Wheel work for them and 2) that I’m complicit in this assistance, whether I realize it or not. This creation must have a life of its own.

Sometimes, the idea of Surrendering what I’ve been carrying — teaching the Wisdom Wheel — comes with a feeling of total freedom. But I know I would continue practicing because it works for me.

Other creators and developers have managed to leave things behind that went on without them. I guess this it’s a test of whether the world was ready for your gift or not. Once I’m gone, will the Wisdom Wheel surge or disappear?

Ultimately, that’s not up to me. That’s up to each of you.

2 thoughts on “Surrender and Sickness

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