Last night, the yoga instructor invited us to set an intention for our practice. Usually, the Law I’m carrying comes to mind first. This month, it’s Balance. I thought of “deepening Balance” as my intention. To me, this means being less frazzled by what goes on around me.
Earlier that day, my husband and I had an argument in the car. He was taking me to a new Indian restaurant and relied on his phone’s GPS to guide him. When he turned to take the wrong exit, I mentioned it was the next one. Then he made another wrong turn at a roundabout and still another.
My anxiety rose. I realized I was gripping the armrest, uneasy, as though we might have an accident. Two of us were in the car, I wanted to be useful. Do I shut up and do nothing or speak up?
Balance. How do we hold onto it when we are fearful?
My husband will turn 67 next month. His reflexes are slower than they once were. When I offered to help navigate, he only became angrier.
“You talk a lot about teamwork,” I reminded him, though he was in no mood to have me on his team in that moment. Why not?
No one wants to be appear less than competent, especially in front of a spouse whose opinion counts for a lot. My husband claimed my presence made it difficult for him to concentrate. So I tried to remain calm while he struggled to work things out.
I thought of other women dealing with irascible husbands and trying to keep the peace. For the sake of harmony, we often keep our opinions to ourselves and then suffer when men insist on leading even when they’re wrong. How can we achieve Balance when half of us are not allowed our input?
Eventually, we reached the restaurant and ate our curry. But even now, I can’t stop thinking about how this ties into the world at a macro-level. Wars, refugees, climate change, economic disparity. All these problems require a re-Balancing. So far, my personal micro-level need for Balance has been heightened, not deepened.