We are warned to expect a letdown after the spiritual high of a big ceremony like the Sun Dance and I have certainly bumped back down to earth. After rushing to get to the café on time today, for the weekly open circle, I found myself sitting alone. For the first time, no one showed up, except the man who had an appointment with me. I thought the people I prayed for would be there, wanting to hear about the Sun Dance.

I didn’t know how to interpret the situation at first. Thoughts went through my mind (mental Causes & Effects), like ’no body cares’ and ’why do I bother?’ But the longer I sat there, the more sure I was that a way out was being offered, if I wanted to take it.

Before the trip to Canada I was so tired I could hardly think straight. I knew some activities would have to be relinquished, but which ones? Starting things has always been easier for me than stopping them. Recognizing a natural ending is a blessing. Three years of showing up voluntarily every Wednesday is long enough. For some time I’d sensed the need to move on. The energy will be redirected. If the people value sitting circle, they can continue the practice without me. I’ve done what I can to teach them. The Sun Dance has restored my joy. I don’t want to squander it.

Although I felt a little guilty about it, I went to the local salon this morning. The Tiverton class had given me a pedicure gift certificate back for my birthday which I’d saved to use after the Sun Dance. My feet needed a treat after four days of dancing barefoot. The pleasure of having them soaked and scrubbed made me wish the same for everyone. I remember taking care of my grandparents feet and hands, trimming their nails and massaging them with lotion when I‘d visit. One of the last things I gave my father, before he died in February, was a manicure & pedicure. The old need to be touched as much as babies do.